Addictive personality?
I read a quote from Dr Nicole LaPera yesterday - “People don’t have an addictive personality; they struggle to self sooth”. That really resonated with me.
Alcohol, drugs, compulsive shopping, scrolling, excessive exercise, comfort eating are some of the ways we can self-sooth and if our pain is deep, we can overindulge seeking to sooth but often exacerbating the pain we were trying to avoid. Looking in the mirror and addressing the root issue is obviously the path to healing, but it’s a journey we all need to take in our time, we are ready when we are ready.
Some of us need to hit rock bottom before we can begin that journey, others find their path slowly.
While we find or adjust our paths, some of the self-soothing techniques I have used that have helped include:
Breathwork. I’m a huge fan of Wim Hof. His breathing practise takes some work, but it is really extraordinary. If that is too much for you, box breathing is great – in for four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four – at least four times.
Meditation. I was definitely not a fan of meditation prior to my rock bottom, but it has been one of the most helpful soothing techniques I use. It took me a long time to quieten my mind but now I use it multiple times a day. If you are a newbie – I highly recommend the guided meditations on Insight Timer. Many are free and guided is a great way to start.
Nature. Walking in nature. Swimming in the ocean. Sitting under a tree. That reminder that we are a small part of a giant universe, yet all connected. It always helps me.
Cold Water Emersion. I do a cold shower and/or a cold ocean dip every day. It is a way to shock/sooth. There are so many health benefits to this and while it sounds awful to many, it is liberating. Getting out of your comfort zone is key to growth.
Connection. Talking with friends, touching base, being with people who are on your team. Who you can trust and who make you feel good. One of the best pieces of advice I got was you will know your people because of how they make you feel. My circle is tight, and they make my heart sing. I am a very lucky woman.
Keeping promises to yourself. I will drink a glass of water every morning before I consume anything else. I will have herbal tea first and not drink coffee until after the sun is up. I will not drink alcohol (1275 days alcohol free today!). When you can trust yourself to keep your word, you are already on the self-soothing journey.
Yoga. Yoga is huge for me. I get in touch with my higher self. I see my emotions as separate to my being. It is soothing and vivid. It is my most valid form of self-soothing.
Exercise. A very important part of soothing for me but also something I have to ensure doesn’t become obsessive. I love exercise. It releases pent up energy and emotions and makes me feel strong and capable. As long as it is measured it is an essential part of soothing.
Journalling. I love journalling. I do it every morning as part of my morning ritual and every evening as part of my owning my shit ritual. As a writer I should love journalling! It is the rawness and the conversation with self that is so soothing. No one else reads my journals. They are my thoughts and my truths. My conversations with myself on my journey to being the best version of myself.
# These are just some of the self-soothing techniques we discuss in our Shine Personal Wellbeing Course – the next course starting on October 11 is sold out, but the course starting on October 28 is open for booking.
