Dare Greatly my Darling!
I watched my youngest daughter graduate primary school this week. She has been at the school since she started playgroup ten years ago, then two years of early learning, followed by seven years of full-time schooling.
It has been an epic journey, full of growth and slips and leaps. She has managed to hold dear her authenticity, and she is very much her own little woman with her own voice. That being said, in education comes conformity and I’m not sure that her authenticity is as loud at school as it is in her other pursuits.
I see her with her netball friends, and I know for sure she is truly her authentic self. She has a tribe of like-minded girls in her rep netball program - determined, fiercely loyal, hard working and energetic. They challenge her, ignite a spark in her, compete with her but are fiercely loyal and honest. I listen to their conversations (on endless carpooling trips, to endless destinations for endless tournaments, training sessions and games) and I smile with delight. They tell each other the truth. With love and kindness, but the truth. They are there for each other in ways that many adult women haven’t learnt yet. They defend each other in rooms they aren’t in. They cheer each other on with vigour and they compete vigorously when up they play each other. They bring out the best in each other.
I subscribe to the belief that sport is a big part of girls having permission to be authentic. These girls are very, very busy with their netball program. Five to six, sometimes seven times a week. Supporting fitness activities, practising passes and shots, training, games, tournaments, the list is endless. Social media doesn’t get much of a look in because they’re so busy. They have old fashioned friendships and beg to get to the courts early to play never-ending games of one bounce (don’t ask – it’s a netball thing, think handball with a netball and a ring). At school the grades stick together but netballers are the exception. Age is not a factor when the skill level is high. They respect and support each other. They have permission to be their authentic selves.
Not all girls are netballers (sadly!) but they all have their passions and have (or will find) what makes their hearts sing. Do our hearts need to sing to be authentic? I don’t think so. I think authenticity is about being in the arena. Being courageous and taking that leap. It’s about slips and leaps. It’s about us as mothers stepping back and letting them find what makes their heart sing. It’s about modelling behaviours for our girls that show our own authenticity. It’s about impressing ourselves, not other people. It’s about modelling real and genuine friendships with other women. It’s about ignoring the popcorn eaters in the stands and teaching our daughters that they should listen to themselves first and then those who are brave enough to join them in the arena. I think that as our daughters enter the teenage years the most important values we can model are authenticity, courage and kindness. I think we should lovingly encourage them to use their authentic voices and find their path bravely. I think we should encourage them to stay in the arena and lovingly tend the inevitable wounds as our girls dare greatly in life (and hopefully on the netball court).
The ”Arena” quote is by Theodore Roosevelt. Obviously, we can replace he with she, but this is the quote the great Brene Brown lives by and I absolutely concur. The arena is the place to be!
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
