For the love of Yoga
Why an intense person who needs deep breathing at least five times a day would sign up for an Intensive Yoga Teacher Training Course?
Temporary Insanity?
I’m not a very calm person. (That might be the understatement of the century).
I’m wired. I move at a frantic pace. I synchronise with speed. I struggle to slow down and that makes the flow state quite elusive. I need box breathing, deep breathing and at least five other tricks from my tool box to maintain a semblance of calm each day. I feel like a ball of energy at most times and it always seem like at any moment I could be plugged or plugged out.
The one thing that can calm me down is yoga. Yet the flow state is still usually elusive. In those rare moments of flow - I have found a peace that felt like I was coming home. A connection with myself that was everything and in some senses blissfully nothing. (Making sense out of no sense). When I do find flow it is only through my yoga practise. Sometimes in shavasana but usually in a deep pose like crow. I would say I love yoga but there are times when I hate it with a passion that burns. It completes me through me, it challenges me, it breaks me and it calms me. Just when I find it fits perfectly it changes shape. It never allows me to settle or become complacent. I
Yoga has both healed and tortured me. It is everything and nothing. Yet it keeps drawing me in. It is the vehicle on my journey - I’m sure of it. I need it. I yearn for it, yet I often repel it. I know it is the way as it is also my obstacle. The complete contradiction. Truth without meaning.
I made the decision recently to go further. I’m deepening my yoga practise and taking the full teacher training. I don’t anticipate teaching, but I’ve found I need more - want more and yet at the same time the boxing gloves are on to fight more. It will be a battle royal. I just know I will be plugged in and out in swift rotation.
This should be interesting! Two hours of predawn yoga six days a week for the next six months. Will I be conquered? Will flow become less elusive! Will I find the meaning in truth and will I venture more into knowing myself. Yoga promises so much. Yet just as it gives it takes away. It is both the obstacle and the way.
I am the opposite of the zen like harmonious yogi that fills my morning classes. I feel like an erupted volcano in the midst of their ocean of calm. I am bouncing off the walls propelled by my morning expresso, clothed in my structured gym wear with my neat bun and towering frame. I am surrounded by petite, exotic birds with flowing locks, floaty garments and herbal tea. Their dulcet tones cloak my direct, arid voice. My class mates are beautifully warm though and welcoming but very, very curious. I am the first choice for partnering and the first question is some variation on WTF made you decide to join us. I picked a very traditional yoga training program. I was drawn to it. Maybe by the end I will be more Nimbin than Sydney? OK Maybe not.
One thing is for sure - you’ll hear all about it!
