Ghosting is GUTLESS!
Ghosting is cutting off communication with someone without explanation. In my opinion it is abject cruelty and a form of abuse. It is also downright gutless. Yes, I’ve heard the excuses – I’m not comfortable with difficult conversations, I don’t like confrontation, I am setting boundaries. I call BS on every one of those points.
Not many of us are comfortable with difficult conversations – but you’re ok with causing mental anguish to another human being because you’re being a pussy? Be honest. If you struggle to have a difficult conversation in person, send a message, or an email, but don’t leave another person wondering or even worse – let them hear it through hearsay. Gossiping and discussing an issue with everyone else other than the person involved is beyond gutless – it makes you the bad guy. If someone has crossed your boundaries, tell them. If someone has done something to upset you, tell them. If someone has offended you, tell them. Give them a chance to respond. Who knows, you may actually have it wrong. Cutting them off without a right of reply is mean, cruel and a reflection on you as a weak person. Whatever they did, more than likely pales in comparison to your ghosting. Ghosting is the ultimate act of self-indulgence.
I don’t like confrontation. Really? Ghosting is the ultimate form of passive aggressive confrontation. You don’t like being called out on your own shit more like it. If you are genuinely physically scared when involved in confronting discussions, then send an email, or a message. Be honest. Tell the person what your issue is. Be transparent. You don’t have to be mean, but you should be honest. Wouldn’t you rather know that a relationship you put time and energy into developing is ending? Or there is a major issue? Maybe treat people how you wish to be treated. You don’t have to be harsh to set your boundary, just be direct and honest.
Ghosting someone is not setting a boundary, it’s about you avoiding conflict. The issue is YOU. You need to do some emotional regulation work and not run every time a situation gets uncomfortable. There is a such a thing as healthy confrontation and it is a necessary part of growth and maturity.
We don’t all have to agree. Healthy debate and handling conflict are important to our growth and our depth as human beings. I actually welcome people who disagree with my opinion, and I listen very carefully to what they’ve got to say because I want to learn and grow. I want to be challenged. In growth comes loss. I have had to cut people out of my life, but I sure as hell haven’t ghosted them. I have zero respect for that sort of behaviour and in fact, watching ghosting in action has caused me to exit people who do this to others from my life. I have definitely told them why though! I value courage, transparency and loyalty. Ghosting doesn’t fit with any those values!
Please grow some courage wings. Be honest and don’t revert to ghosting. It is immature, selfish and nasty. It is also something that comes full circle. If that’s the way you chose to handle conflict don’t be surprised when others follow suit.
