Marching to the beat of our own drums
Our daughter just turned our house upside down for her book week costume. Literally, turned it upside down. Usually she’s not that into it (despite being an avid reader and a born thespian), but this year was different. She’s in year six, it’s her last one and she was determined to make a splash. She dressed up as Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games. Quite fitting as Katniss is a warrior girl in an epic story. Which is exactly how our girl sees herself (and to be truthful, probably how we see her).
She planned the costume weeks ago. Dad sat up late last night making paper arrow heads (no way were we sending real arrows to school). I scoured the internet for the right hairstyle and look (WHY does it always have to be bloody braids). Everything was laid out and the house was on hyperalert. She was marching around the house at 5.45am bossing us all around and laying everything out. She was getting this right and we were supporting cast.
Our all-conquering daughter who loves people but couldn’t give a rats what they think when judging her. Who uses criticism for fuel to do better. Who has marched to the beat of her own drum since conception (never mind birth). This kid is her own person. She resonates with Katniss and that is who she is dressing up as! We were told so in no uncertain terms, and she was going to get it right.
She looked amazing and my braid (delivered with a lot of sweat) was passable. She was also the MC for her year so was on stage the whole time. Many of the girls in her year turned up in matching costumes. Proud to be part of a tribe, to fit in. Our girl is not having a bar of that. One year the whole class wore a matching costume organised by some lovely Mums (Crayolas) and she angrily agreed to wear it (briefly), only because I’d said yes thinking she’d love it. She didn’t love it; in fact, she was highly offended and in hindsight I should have asked her. She wore it under duress for about 12 seconds and changed into the costume she wanted to wear. She told me bluntly to never make her do that again.
I watched the other kids in matching costumes, quite a few were in pairs and others in trios and quads and there was one group of seven. More than half of the girls had “group” dressed. It looked cute and I could see the joy they found in being part of a group and belonging. Yet to our girl, that was her worst nightmare. Which is interesting because she takes extreme pride in her school and her netball uniforms. Her rep netball uniform is her delight, I think because she worked so hard for.
Her best friend was desperate for her to “twin” at a number of previous book week parades and I was a bit annoyed that she was so steadfast in her no. In hindsight she was right. She is who she is, and she is fighting to express that. Book week is part of that. She picked a character she loved from a book she loved. She resonates with the character and as I just dropped her off, she told me she was loving herself sick in her costume. (direct quote). I showed her this blog post (I wouldn’t dare publish anything about her without her permission) and she said group dressing takes away who she is. It makes her have to be someone else and she is happy with who she is. She said you are always telling me to be my authentic self and I am. Touche! I was just parented by an 11-year-old.
So, despite the turmoil the house has been in, as our hyper focused daughter fixates on one thing and doesn’t allow the existence of anything else. I’m proud to watch her march in book week. Her costume, her marching, her beat. Raising her is never easy. Sometimes it feels like we’re being raised. It’s like we’re in the audience of our own lives, but it is never, ever dull.
P.S. Lucky the arrow heads were paper!
