Do you protest a little too loudly?
Do you join the cancel culture march a bit too quickly?
Maybe the real problem is in your mirror!
I find it very interesting that those that scream the loudest in protest are often the ones that need to face truths themselves. How often do we hear about political campaigners who are ardently opposed to homosexuality and call it out as immoral and evil only to eventually be outed as homosexual themselves? It is like the mirror is raised and they are not ready to see the reflection. It’s a shame spiral. Not that homosexuality is anything to be ashamed about of course.
I know I’ve been guilty of being the loudest protester because I didn’t want to see the reflective truth. I remember booking an act for a large event in Sydney. It was early on in my career, and I had been working in the entertainment/gambling industry (definitely not something I’m not proud of). I was young and ego-centric and only saw my glamourous career while ignoring the damage gambling can do. The Whitlams were one of the bands suggested and I quickly brushed over them. They had a hit song at that time – Blow up the Pokies – which called into question what I had been doing for a living. I didn’t want to face that truth. Of course, I didn’t – I was having too good of a time and it cut a bit close to home. So, I booked Renee Geyer for the lucrative event. (Just for the record – I am now a huge fan of The Whitlams and feel guilty every time I hear that song).
Of course, karma hit me well and truly between the eyes when my first marriage ended due to compulsive gambling. Seeing first hand the damage gambling can do definitely changed my career path and my trajectory, but I remember my loud protests. People have a choice to gamble was how I justified it to myself. I’m not forcing them to do it. Both of those statements are true, but I was part of the problem and then then problem became part of me.
The universe works in not-so-subtle ways sometimes. In many ways, while devastating, the lessons were necessary and the silver lining (there is always one) is that I met my husband, and we had our amazing daughter together. I am getting to experience parenthood from a more mature perspective and with a different lens. She has taught me so much and has opened up channels in me that I didn’t even know were there. I’m forever grateful for those difficult lessons, because they contributed to my growth and gave me the life, I am so grateful for now.
I remember when I faced the reality that drinking was becoming a problem for me. It was such a shock; I had always been very limited with my alcohol consumption. I’d grown up with alcoholism around me and I was always determined I would never head down that track. Then suddenly, it was a problem. I didn’t like who I was when I drank. The Mummy drinking culture, the meanness, the obsessive people pleasing, the gossip, exposing kids to inebriated people – it made me feel physically ill. I don’t want to be part of cancel culture, I don’t want to gossip or make people feel bad about themselves. I want to help people, I want to contribute, I want to leave a legacy of having done some good. Of course, no one is perfect and we’re all on our own journeys, but my purpose is very clear to me, and I was not going to achieve it with alcohol as part of the equation. Stopping drinking wasn’t hard, not having alcohol as a crutch and having to face my reflection and dance with my shadows was excruciating (and still often is).
I tell my story to help, not to judge. I get that alcohol isn’t a problem for everyone and some people can happily have a couple of drinks and move on. I can’t and I won’t ever again. Well, that is the plan. For some people their alcohol is gambling, or online shopping, or food. Some people already dance with their shadows without crutches, and they are my heroes.
Being alcohol (or crutch) free isn’t the key to unicorns and rainbows and a perfect existence. Although if alcohol is a problem for you, going alcohol free is definitely an excellent start. Once we remove the crutches, we are faced with our shadows. It’s in the shadow dance, when we face our reflection and our truths that we find growth. It’s not a destination though – it’s a lifelong journey.
I’m proud to say I’ve been alcohol free for three and a half years, but I’m prouder of the whole journey (so far). Learning to overcome my limiting beliefs, finding my authentic voice and tuning into my higher self, constantly learning and growing, setting boundaries, standing in my own power and owning my actions. The SHINE journey continues. If you want to know more, I am running a number of SHINE wellbeing courses in the coming months.
# My Shining Alcohol Free course coming in the new year
# Our 5 Week Shine Personal Wellbeing Course (online) commencing on November 11 is open now for bookings.
# We have just opened up two weekend and one mid-week Shine Personal Wellbeing online courses in November, as well as one day mid-week in person courses (one in Melbourne and one in Sydney)
We have sold out every course so far, so don’t hesitate if you’re interested.
More information at www.donnagroves.com.au
