'A really unhealthy culture’: Have Christmas gifts for teachers gone too far?
By Lauren Ironmonger
November 28, 2024 — 7.00pm
Cat Carney, a mother of five and former secondary school teacher from Melbourne, has stopped buying gifts for her children’s teachers. She is concerned about the growing financial and environmental cost of presents, many of which she thinks are unnecessary and unwanted by the teachers.
Carney says she’s open with fellow parents about trying to change the culture around giving gifts, but it’s been difficult, due to how ingrained the practice is.
“Everyone feels like they’re defined by the amount of money they can dish out on gifts,” she says. “It’s definitely a really unhealthy culture.”
In Australia and overseas, the practice of giving teachers presents, particularly at Christmas, is becoming increasingly prevalent. Supercharged by social media, where parents post “haul” videos, in which users discuss their recent purchases, it’s not uncommon now for parents to spend upwards of $50 per teacher. And as an increasing number of households have both parents working, gifts for daycare workers are also becoming more common.
Last year, a council in Melbourne banned Christmas gifts for kindergarten teachers over fears of bribery and corruption, while some schools report increasingly lavish gifts, including Dom Pérignon and Apple Watches.
As a professional home organiser, Carney sees first-hand how many gifts go into landfill, including those given to clients who are teachers.
In her former life as a teacher, she says she was clear with parents about not wanting gifts – and it was the personal comments and notes that left a lasting impact.
“I don’t remember the gifts your kids got me, but I do remember every single time one of them ran up to me in the supermarket and said hello and updated me on their life. That’s what’s real.”
She encourages her own children, who attend private schools, to write letters or cards to their teachers if they want to show their appreciation.
Mothers, she says, often bear the brunt of the emotional load of organising teacher’s gifts, in addition to the rest of their organisational duties during the festive season.
“There’s the guilt that mothers especially have placed on their shoulders to get a gift and then to balance out the grocery budget so that they can afford it.”
Gift giving on the rise
Both the NSW and Victorian Departments of Education have clear policies on giving gifts. In both states, any gift, benefit or hospitality valued over $50 must be reported. In private and independent schools, policies on giving gifts vary from school to school.
Christie Nicholas, chief growth partner at marketing agency Mumpower, says the practice of giving teachers presents has always been a thing. But she’s noticed a shift in recent years.
“It’s really stepped up a notch from being tokens of appreciation to being more about a unique gift the teacher would like. And definitely, there is more pressure on parents.”
While for the most part, parents are well intentioned, Nicholas says that for some, “there are the niggling thoughts that if your child has that teacher again, will a gift be a good thing to have a good relationship moving forward as well?”
Nicholas says that brands are taking notice of this trend, and catering to growing demand with specific products or targeted marketing campaigns. And while she says individual gifts still dominate, giving gifts as a group is becoming more popular among time-poor and budget-conscious parents, with platforms such as Australian company Group Together helping ease the process.
Showing appreciation
Parents who do choose to give gifts say they want to show their appreciation for teachers’ hard work.
Mariam Akbar, a mother of two from Sydney, likes to give presents to show gratitude. She says the teachers for both her preschool-aged daughter, who has special needs, and her 10-year-old son, have been an incredible support.
“They just go above and beyond, and they’ve really become a part of the family, so at Christmas, I don’t really hesitate to buy them gifts,” she says.
Akbar says she typically spends between $100 and $150 per teacher, and will tailor each gift to what they like.
With children in public schools, Akbar says she believes in giving teachers feedback through gifts, showing “that we really appreciate what you do for us, your job is hard, and you don’t get remunerated as you should”.
No mugs or alcohol
Alice Ju, a mother of two and former primary school teacher who now runs Creative Einstein tutoring centre in Sydney, likes to give gifts but is mindful of waste.
“As a teacher, I’ve had so many mugs and so much personalised stationery. I personally [once] received eight kilograms of chocolate.”
Nowadays, she likes to give homemade baked treats or boxes of fruit that teachers can share among themselves. And she says as a teacher, handwritten cards are always the most special gift.
“I’ve got a massive wall of thank-you cards ... so sometimes when it feels like a bit too much, I look at the wall and remember, ‘Oh, this is why I’m a teacher.’”
Donna Groves, a mother of two children now in their 30s and a 12-year-old daughter in Melbourne, says the culture has shifted since her eldest were in school.
“I’m seeing a lot of alcohol being given and then little cups that say, ‘my child is the reason you drink’, which is a red rag to a bull to someone who’s sober.”
As a mindset coach who helps many women, particularly mothers and those in midlife, give up alcohol, she is passionate about ending the process of giving teachers items like wine.
In one instance, Groves says she coached a teacher who relapsed after being given alcohol by a parent.
Groves says she has no issue with others drinking, but is concerned about the message giving alcohol to teachers might send to children.
“I don’t understand why it has to be at school, and I particularly have an issue with teachers or parents saying, ‘Oh, it’s been a hard week, I need a drink.’ Especially in front of kids – what is that teaching them?”
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